Login

05-27-2003, 08:38 PM

Ooooh I like that one, here's another joke. 
 
*BTW I'm sorry I didnt even realize I repeated the "3 college students and Which Tire joke" until after I posted.. 
 
ok: 
 
Little Tommy (who was Jewish) was doing very badly in math. 
 
His parents had tried everything: tutors, they tried everything they could think of. 
 
Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school. 
 
After the first day, little Tommy came home with a very serious look on his face. 
 
He didn't even kiss his mother hello. Instead, he went to his room and started studying. Books and papers were spread out all over the room and little Tommy was hard at work. 
 
His mother was amazed. 
 
She called him down to dinner and to her shock, the minute he was done he marched back to his room without a word and in no time he was back hitting the books as hard as before. 
 
This went on for some time, day after day while the mother tried to understand what made all the difference. 
 
Finally, little Tommy brought home his report card. He quietly laid it on the table and went up to his room and hit the books. 
With great trepidation, his Mom looked at it and to her surprise, little Tommy got an A in math!!! 
 
She could no longer hold her curiosity. She went to his room and said: 
 
"Son, what was it? Was it the nuns?" 
 
Little Tommy looked at her and shook his head, no. 
 
"Well, then", she replied, "Was it the books, the discipline, the structure, the uniforms? WHAT was it?" 
 
Little Tommy looked at her and said, "Well, on the first day of school, when I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!

06-05-2003, 01:54 PM

The US have George Bush, Stevie Wonder, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. 
Germany has Gerhard SchrÃƒÂ¶der, no wonder, no hope and no cash. 
--------------- 
 
<img src="http://home.nexgo.de/berzelmayr/hadrian.gif"/> Est vita misero longa, felici brevis.

06-21-2003, 10:06 AM

BOOM... 
<img src="http://www.rockhopper.freeserve.co.uk/bomb.jpg" style="border:0;"/> Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://localhost:1094/Homesteads/_1750094854/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 6/21/03 12:07 pm

06-21-2003, 10:16 AM

Well, another one: 
This kid never talked. He's 12 years old and never uttered a word. His parents went to see every specialist and shrink on the planet and they find niothing wrong with the kid. He just won't talk. 
They one evening at dinner the kid goes: "Could you pass the salt please?" 
-"He speaks!! But you speak!" exclaim the parents. "Why didn't you speak before?" they ask. 
"Well", says the kid, "before, there was enough salt".

Frank Miranda · 06-23-2003, 02:13 AM

Antoninus- I know that's a dumb joke, but man- I can't stop chuckling every time I see the salt shaker! 
 
Ok, here goes my entry (forgive me if this has already been posted, but I just got here and don't feel like looking through all of them): 
 
An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library 
wall, so he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the 
billionaire said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your 
interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see it completed." 
Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine 
the finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow 
with a halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages and different positions of making love. Furious he called in the artist. 
"What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire! 
"Why, that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly. 
"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked 
for a mural of the interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!" 
"And there you have it," said the artist, "I call it 'Holy cow 
look at all those f***ing Indians.'" 
 
Ba da-dah!

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 06-26-2003, 12:05 PM

I'have one in Italian(sorry it's vernacular) and just for Goffredo because of its name... 
 
I hope you know the venetian dialect. 
 
 
Un veneziano si perde in una foresta innevata dalle parti di Cortina d'Ampezzo, dopo ore di cammino nella neve alta fino alla vita, improvvisamente si trova davanti lo Yeti. Rimane cosÃƒÂ¬ sconvolto dalla paura che non trova niente di meglio da fare che presentarsi: 
 
"Goffredo"! 
 
E lo yeti: 
 
"Goffredo anca mi, ma soporto..." 
 
Vale, 
 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 06-26-2003, 12:10 PM

Mistake: "his" name (not "its" name).

06-26-2003, 02:13 PM

The Yeti at Cortina D'ampezzo??? 
Let's see if I am good at venetian dialect: 
This guy is lost in the snowy mountains around Cortina d'Ampezzo (a fashionable ski resort in Italy). He's freezing cold when he meets the yeti. He introduces himself "Goffredo" which, with the local accent can mean "I am cold" (Io freddo). 
The which the yeti replies "I am cold too, but I endure".

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 06-26-2003, 04:38 PM

Bravo Antoninus! You're almost perfect, my compliments. Though you are french if I'm not wrong... 
 
Vale, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

06-27-2003, 11:53 AM

Francese, si, ma non fanatico... Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://localhost:1094/Homesteads/_1750094854/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 6/27/03 2:11 pm

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 06-30-2003, 08:01 AM

rekirts · 07-02-2003, 12:38 AM

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just sent them the following: 
 
Dear [name of person who signed the rejection letter]. 
 
After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment/a book contract]. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. 
 
Despite [name of company that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing]with your firm immediately following [graduation/moving etc. -- get creative here]. 
 
I look forward to working with you. Best of luck in rejecting future [candidates/manuscripts]. 
 
Sincerely, 
[Your name]

Jeroen Pelgrom · 07-02-2003, 12:54 PM

<img src="http://www.funnybox.com/images/gallery/bushgrin.jpg" style="border:0;"/> 
 
sorry, thought the look on his face was really funny (no pun intended) Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pelgr003>pelgr003</A> at: 7/2/03 3:01 pm

Jeroen Pelgrom · 07-02-2003, 01:00 PM

<img src="http://www.funnybox.com/images/gallery/nukebunker.jpg" style="border:0;"/> 
 
<img src="http://www.funnybox.com/images/gallery/warheads.jpg" style="border:0;"/> 
 
eehhhh...

07-02-2003, 01:07 PM

This trucker picked up a hitchiker about fifty miles west of Kansas City. 
Every fifteen minutes the hitchiker pulls a snuff box out of his pocket, takes a pinch of snuff and throws it out of the window. 
The trucker gets curious. 
-"Why are you throwing snuff outta the window?" He asks. 
-"That ain't snuff", replies the hitchiker. 
-"Then what is it?" 
-"Rhinoceros-repellent powder". 
-"UH?! There ain't no rhinos in these parts, you know..." 
-"Yep, it's a very efficient powder."

Login
Username:
Password:	Lost Password?
	Remember me

Possibly Related Threads…
Thread		Author	Replies	Views	Last Post
	Bad Dudicus Jokes!	A_Volpe	5	2,298	09-29-2005, 03:06 PM Last Post: Praefectusclassis