Emperors Quiz

[D B Campbell]

6. Valentinian I (Sulp. Sev., Dialogues 2.5). I vaguely recalled the story -- it's Saint Martin -- but it took a minute or two (!) to find the source.

[Nathan Ross]

but it took a minute or two (!) to find the source.

Correct! Glad you're keeping busy on a dismal weekend, Duncan...

Anyone have any ideas for 7?

[D B Campbell]

7. He claimed that only women bathed in heated water, but enjoyed floating fruit in his swimming pool.

I am surprised by the thought of an emperor who frowns on bathing. Even as late as Justinian, bathing was still a standard "Roman" activity. Which makes me think that you're describing a "barbarous" uncultured emperor ... who owns a swimming pool ... and an orchard. Hmmm ...

[Urselius]

Vespasian died shortly after bathing in cold water. No fruit was implicated in his demise, as far as I can see.

[Nathan Ross]

The emperor in question was Roman enough, and liked bathing - it was the water temperature he was oddly fussy about.

As a clue - his father and brother were also emperors; the first died a sudden death, the second a smelly one...

[Renatus]

The source for 8 is SHA, Opilius Macrinus, 12. 4-5.

[Urselius]

7. Carinus?

Carus, allegedly died by being hit by thunderbolt, and Numerian was discovered to be dead due to the stench of his corpse.

[Nathan Ross]

Correct! Well done to everyone who contributed. If anybody wants to add more questions please do!

Here are the answers, and the sources:

1. was Maxentius:

For when Maxentius drew out his army before the city, and was marching over the bridge that he himself had constructed, an infinite number of owls flew down and covered the wall (Zosimus, book 2)

2. was Commodus:

Having killed an ostrich and cut off his head, he [Commodus] came up to where we were sitting, holding the head in his left hand and in his right hand raising aloft his bloody sword; and though he spoke not a word, yet he wagged his head with a grin, indicating that he would treat us in the same way. (Dio, 73.21)

(Dio claims that the emperor's antics just amused him, and he had to chew on his laurel wreath to stop himself laughing...)

3. was Aurelian:

...when he came to Tyana and found its gates closed against him, he became enraged and exclaimed, it is said: "In this town I will not leave even a dog alive… when the soldiers clamoured for the destruction of the city in accordance with the words in which he had declared that he would not leave a dog alive in Tyana, he answered them, saying: "I did, indeed, declare that I would not leave a dog alive in this city; well, then, kill all the dogs." (Historia Augusta, Aurelian, 22)

4. was Diocletian:

It was he [Diocletian] who, when solicited by Herculius and Galerius for the purpose of resuming control, responded in this way, as though avoiding some kind of plague: "If you could see at Salonae the cabbages raised by our hands, you surely would never judge that a temptation." (Aurelius Victor, Epitome 39.6)

5. was Severus Alexander, in a detail taken from the reliably weird Chronography of 354, which seems slightly obsessed with funny eating habits:

While he [Severus Alexander] was ruling there was an omnivore by nationality Italian who ate a few things: a box, lettuces, a small casket of sardines, ten sardines, seventy watermelons, a broom, four napkins, four military loaves, a box, a cardos with its feathers, and drank up loads of grecanicum wine and he came to the temple Iasurae and drank up a full bowl and still seemed hungry. (Chronography of 354)
* the 'broom' is tallos de scopa palmea, which is probably better as 'the fronds of a palm branch' or something. I was using the translation given on tertullian.org.

6. was Valentinian I, who was importuned by St Martinus while at Trier. The result is surely the only instance in recorded history of God setting somebody's arse on fire:

The doors stood open, and no one opposed his entrance; so that, going in, he came at last into the presence of the king [Valentinian I], without any one seeking to hinder him. The king, however, seeing him at a distance as he approached, and gnashing his teeth that he had been admitted, did not, by any means, condescend to rise up as Martin advanced, until fire covered the royal seat, and until the flames seized on a part of the royal person. In this way the haughty monarch is driven from his throne, and, much against his will, rises up to receive Martin. (Sulpicius Severus, Dialogues II.5)

7. was Carinus:

He [Carinus] swam about among apples and melons and strewed his banqueting-halls and bedrooms with roses from Milan. The baths which he used were as cold as the air of rooms that are under the ground, and his plunge-baths were always cooled by means of snow. Once, when he came in the winter to a certain place in which the spring-water was very tepid — its wonted natural temperature during the winter — and he had bathed in it in the pool, he shouted to the bath-attendants, it is said, "This is water for a woman that you have given me"; and this is reported as his most famous saying. (Historia Augusta, Carinus, 17)

8. was Macrinus:

There were some soldiers who had had intercourse with their host's maid-servant, who for some time had led a life of ill-repute... When their guilt was proved, he [Macrinus] gave orders that two oxen of extraordinary size should be cut open rapidly while still alive, and that the soldiers should be thrust one into each, with their heads protruding so that they could talk to each other. (Historia Augusta, Macrinus 12)

9. was Honorius:

At that time they say that the Emperor Honorius in Ravenna received the message from one of the eunuchs, evidently a keeper of the poultry, that Rome had perished. And he cried out and said, 'And yet it has just eaten from my hands!' For he had a very large cock, Rome by name; and the eunuch comprehending his words said that it was the city of Rome which had perished at the hands of Alaric, and the emperor with a sigh of relief answered quickly: 'But I, my good fellow, thought that my fowl Rome had perished.' So great, they say, was the folly with which this emperor was possessed. (Procopius, History of the Wars, 3.2.26)

10, lastly, was Domitian:

During the whole of every gladiatorial show there always stood at his [Domitian’s] feet a small boy clad in scarlet, with an abnormally small head, with whom he used to talk a great deal, and sometimes seriously. At any rate, he was overheard to ask him if he knew why he had decided at the last appointment day to make Mettius Rufus praefect of Egypt. (Suetonius, Domitian)

:-)

[1493541]

Was #7 Tiberius?

[Renatus]

I have often wondered, in the Macrinus story, the significance of the oxen being cut open "while still alive". Can anyone enlighten me?

[Vindex]

Good quiz, Nathan - learnt something new

[D B Campbell]

Glad you're keeping busy on a dismal weekend, Duncan...

Thanks for an entertaining quiz, Nathan. I'd never noticed Carinus' fruit fetish!