Spoof songs

[Nurglitch]

Search didn't come up with similar topic so creating one. Something I came up with yesterday, do post similar ones if you have them


Here come the Brits again
Falling on my sword like mindless meat
Chopping at my shield with some weird emotion
I want to walk on their guts
I want to walk like legions do
I want to dive into the slaughter
Is it OK, centurio?

So centurio order me
Like Romans do
Fight with me
Like Romans do
Order me
Like Romans do


Here come the Germans again
Falling on my sword like in Greek tragedy
Transfixed by my pilum like by some emotion
Oooooh
I want to breathe the smoke and soot
I want to burn up villages
I want to dive into the slaughter
Is it OK, centurio?

So centurio order me
Like Romans do
Fight with me
Like Romans do
Order me
Like Romans do

Here come the Dacians again
Falling on my sword like it was cool
Swinging falxes with some bad emotion
(Here they come again, here they come again)
I want to rip their live guts out
I want to kill like Romans do
I want to dive into the slaughter
Is it OK, centurio?

[M. Caecilius]

In 1848, Joseph Victor von Scheffel wrote a song about the Battle of the Varian disaster, known in Germany as the "Varuslied" or by its first verse "Als die Römer frech geworden".

http://www.volksliederarchiv.de/text609.html has the German text, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyrwweY5QVA the melody.

I'll attempt the translation here, which is not really all that poetic. The song is fun to sing in the original, though - try it even if you don't speak the language!

"When the Romans became cheeky,
simserin simserim simsim simsim
The marched to northern Germany,
simserim simsim simsim
In front, with the trumpet's call
Terätätätäterä
Rode the General Field Marshal
Terätätätäterä
Mr. Quintilius Varus
Wau, wau, wau, wau, wau
Mr Quintilius Varus
Schnäde räng täng, Schnäde räng täng
Schnäde räng täng, de räng täng täng

In the Forest of Teutoburg,
Huh! The wind blew so cold
Ravens flew through the air,
And there was a foul odour
As from blood and corpses.

Suddenly, from the forest dark
The Cherusci charged boldly
With God for King and Country,
They threw themselves furiously
Onto the legions.

Woe! There was great murder,
And they beat the Cohorts
Merely the cavalry
Escaped into the free:
Because they were mounted.

O Quintili, you poor general,
Did you think the world were thus?
He ended up in a swamp
And lost two boots and a sock
And miserably got stuck.

Then he spoke full of anger
To Centurio Titus:
"Comrade, draw your sword,
And run me through from behind"
'cause everything's kaput."

In the poor roman army,
There served as volunteer
Scaevola, a student of aw,
Who was simply captured
And like all the others,
It went bad with him.
'ere he was hanged,
He was run through the tongue and heart,
And nailed backwards
On his corpus iuris.

When the murdering was at an end,
Prince Herrman rubbed his hands
And to celebrate the victory,
He invited the Cherusci
To a great breakfast.

There was game and ham from Westfalia,
Beer, as much as they could drink.
And in feasting too he was a hero,
Yet his wife Thusneld too
Drank like a Valkyrie

Only in Rome there was no party mood,
But people bought mourning clothes.
Just as, during luncheon,
Augustus was seated in the imperial hall,
The dire news arrived.

First, from sheer shock,
A bit of peacock stuck in his throat,
Then he lost his temper,
And yelled: Varus, curse on you!
Redde legiones!

His German slave, Schmidt by name,
Thought: "The mice'll bite you,
Should you ever get them back,
That which lies around dead
Does not get up alive."

Who has managed to write this song?
A student has sung it.
In Westfalia, he has drunk a lot,
And because of national pride,
he made this song.

[jvrjenivs]

OMNIA : MARS REPRISE (I WANNA BE A LEGIONAIR)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kAk5JWQeAdI

I wanna be a legionair
I'm gonna shave off all my hair
Walk real stupid, talk real loud
I'm gonna make my mother proud

I wanna be a legionair
I'll wear a dress, but I don't care
An army camp is now my home
I'll kill and maim and rape for Rome

Scutum!
Pilum!
Sin, dex, sin, dex!

Ik wil bij het legioen
Rondmarcheren, heftig doen
'tis misschien een beetje raar
Een jurk aan en heel kort haar

Maar ik wil bij het legioen
Lekker knokken voor wat poen
Geef mij maar orders, geen gezeik
Ik steel en plunder voor het Rijk

Scutum!
Pilum!
Sin, dex, sin, dex!

[caiusbeerquitius]

It´s not Roman, but I really like this SCA one:


"THE SOUND OF VIOLENCE"
Words: Rhys ap Baruch and Blaine Sylvan
Tune: "The Sound of Silence", Simon and Garfunkel

Hello broadsword my old friend
I've come to fight with you again
Because the sounds of battle ringing
In my ears has me singing
And the rock that I have instead of a brain
Still remains
I love the sound of violence

In tournaments I fight alone
I leave my melee gear at home
But when I go down to the Pennsic War
I often fight in groups of five or more
When my friend was stabbed by an Eastern spear in the head
He was dead
Touched by the sound of violence

A thousand footmen waging war
A hundred archers maybe more
Polemen thrusting from the second row
Shieldmen dying, they're the first to go
Two-stick fighters can harry the enemy flank
They've got rank
And love the sound of violence

Foolishly I pressed ahead
I'd be a hero or be dead
A belted fighter tried to teach me
With his polearm he might reach me
But my blows like violent hailstones fell
And struck well
Causing the sound of violence

Eastrealm fighters fell and died
Before th' advancing Midrealm tide
And we shouted out our battle cry
We would conquer or we would die
And the bards sing the deeds of the fighters that bravely fall
And they all
Whisper the sound of violence

[caiusbeerquitius]

Might be easily changed into a Roman song, though:



Hello short sword my old friend
I've come to fight with you again
Because the sounds of battle ringing
In my ears has me singing
And the rock that I have instead of a brain
Still remains
I love the sound of violence

In tavern brawls I fight alone
I leave my melee gear at home
But when I go down to the Legion´s War
I often fight in groups of eight or more
When my friend was stabbed by a Gaulish spear in the head
He was dead
Touched by the sound of violence

Ten thousand footmen waging war
A thousand riders maybe more
Pila flying from the second row
Shieldmen dying, they're the first to go
Our Cavalry can harry the enemy flank
They've got rank
And love the sound of violence

Foolishly I pressed ahead
I'd be a hero or be dead
A giant fighter tried to teach me
With his spatha he might reach me
But my blows like violent hailstones fell
And struck well
Causing the sound of violence

Gaulish fighters fell and died
Before th' advancing Roman tide
And we shouted out our battle cry
We would conquer or we would die
And the wives sing the deeds of the fighters that bravely fall
And they all
Whisper the sound of violence


:-D