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TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 10-22-2003, 07:46 AM

Eh,eh,eh.... 
One more: 
 
Q: What does an elephant use for a vibrator? 
A: An epileptic. 
 
Valete, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

10-22-2003, 02:34 PM

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and 
spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can 
you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't 
know where I am." 
 
The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 
30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude 
and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." 
 
"You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. 
 
"I am," replied the woman, "how did you know?" 
 
"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically 
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is 
I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, 
you've delayed my trip." 
 
The woman below responded, "You must be in Management." 
 
"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?" 
 
"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. 
You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made 
a promise which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath 
you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position 
you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 10-22-2003, 02:45 PM

10-24-2003, 10:00 AM

This one is going to be largely broadbanded across the web... 
I may even print it and anonymously post it in the elevator at the office....

10-26-2003, 10:13 PM

Dear Technical Support 
 
18 months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which i had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. 
 
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. 
 
I tried shareware programme Slapper 2.1 but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. 
 
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and GirlFriend 1.0 at the same time only to discover that when these two systems detect each other they caused severe damage to my hardware. 
 
I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0 only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0 
While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available recources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse 2003. 
 
Shortly after this upgrade however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes i made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. 
Wife 1.0 also has an automatic diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter and can without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help Files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. 
 
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShowShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. 
 
Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw which can't be turned off. 
 
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your money before uninstalling itself. 
 
Any ideas?

10-27-2003, 11:51 AM

Any ideas? Well, there are a couple of programs that can provide a temporary solution... 
Like FishingwithFreddie 4.0 and GolfingwithJack 3.0. 
And yes, The MotherinLaw pop up also generates an unresolved host name problem sometimes acute enough to require a boot.. 
A warning, by the way, trying to run wife 1.0 with mistress 2000 is a fatal error.. 
A final solution could be to run a Desertedisland 3.2, but it shuts off the Monthlysalary 98 which may cause a problem. Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://localhost:1094/Homesteads/_1750094854/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 10/27/03 12:52 pm

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 10-27-2003, 03:10 PM

My experience can be of some help: 
 
After the 14 years ago Wife 1.0 installing, I also tried to install Weekend-SurfWidow 1.0, but my system crashed almost immediately, so I had to uninstall it and stay away from the Vitamin-Sea and Tri-finsLongBoards sportsgames during the winter. 
With the new No-WeekendHobbies-atall beta release, AlwayStayWithMe all-versions and ChildDiapers 0-5 Kg, 5-10 Kg etc., I noted no many problems anymore with Wife 1.0 even because I installed 
I LoveYouButDontCrashMyB-allsTooMuch like firewall and SafeManEgoism 6.0. The recent installing of RenactmentWidow 1.0 brought to a compromise: I'll use it with just two saturdays in a month, unless roman events and two days armoured trekkings. 
I'm just thinking to HusbandPerfect 1.0, well knowing that Wife 1.0 requires a not perfect release of HusbandPerfect to work fine. Installing NoPerfectButMan 1.0 is so the best choice in my opinion. 
I'm planning to download soon 60s70sCaferacers 6.50/7.50making (Norton or BSA). I don't know yet if they are Wife 1.0 compatible... Did anyone try them? 
 
Valete 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

10-27-2003, 04:58 PM

Those of you involved in IT and/or software development, may find this important new resource useful: [url=http://www.newtechusa.com/ppi/main.asp" target="top]PPI[/url]

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-03-2003, 03:57 PM

Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie? 
A: A dog that chews your leg off, then fetches the doctor. 
 
Valete, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-03-2003, 03:59 PM

Q: What do you get if you cross a pit bull with Lassie? 
A: A dog that chews your leg off, then fetches the doctor. 
 
Valete

11-05-2003, 04:46 PM

Nice doggy... 
This young man, avid collector of fine automobiles, is invited home by his fiancee, for a formal dinner and introduction to her parents. 
It happens that the day before he just bought a magnificent Austin Healey '65, with wire wheels. 
"Be careful with the wheels, said the seller, they rust very easily. The best way to avoid this is to smear them with vaseline before it rains. Here's a tube. it's on the house". 
The young man forgets about it, however, and drives to his fiancee's home. There, she takes him to the kitchen and warns him: "You are going to see something unusual, I'll explain.." 
And indeed it is unusual since the kitchen is packed to the ceiling with dirty dishes. Thousands of them. 
"You see, explains the fiancee, five years ago, dad issued a stupid challenge at dinner: he said that the first one to speak would do the dishes. Ever since then, no one dares speaking at dinner and the dishes have piled up ever since.." 
The young man then is introduced to the parents and sits at dinner in the most total silence until he has an idea... 
So he stands up, grabs his fiancee and takes her, right on the table, between the Chateau Margaux and the hors d'oeuvres. 
The parents look crossed, but they don't say a word. 
"Well, well, well", think the young man after the usual recuperation time, looking at the mother. Still a young and sexy lady.. 
And then... Right on the table. 
Dad looks very,very crossed but still, there is a total, albeit tense, silence.. 
They keep eating until the rain begins to fall. 
And suddenly the young man remembers his Austin healey, and the wire wheels.. 
So he pulls the tube of vaseline out of his pocket and stands up. 
At this point the father stands up too and yells: 
"OK!! OK!! I'LL DO THE DISHES!!" 
Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=antoninuslucretius@romanarmytalk>Antoninus Lucretius</A> <IMG HEIGHT=10 WIDTH=10 SRC="http://localhost:1094/Homesteads/_1750094854/files/Cesar_triste.jpg" BORDER=0> at: 11/5/03 5:47 pm

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-06-2003, 08:25 AM

A good laugh at the beginning of a work day, good... 
 
Vale, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-06-2003, 11:40 AM

A latin professor was so upset after a little car accident that he went to a bar near his house for a drink to settle his nerves. 
 
"What'll it be?" asked the bartender. 
 
"A martinus," said the professor. 
 
"Don't you mean martini?" 
 
"If I wanted more than one I'd ask for more than one." 
 
Valete, 
Titus Sabatinus Aquilius

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-06-2003, 11:46 AM

TITVS SABATINVS AQVILIVS · 11-06-2003, 12:08 PM

What do you get if you cross 
a cowboy with an octopus? 
 
Billy the squid.

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