07-05-2003, 10:32 AM
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity here are some actual label instructions on consumer products:<br>
<br>
1.On a blanket from Taiwan-<br>
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.<br>
2.On a helmet mounted mirror used by U.S. cyclists-<br>
Remember objects in the mirror are actually behind you.<br>
3.On a Taiwanese shampoo-<br>
Use repeatedly for severe damage.<br>
4.On the bottle top of a (UK) flavored milk drink-<br>
After opening keep upright.<br>
5.On a New Zealand insect spray-<br>
This product is not tested on animals.<br>
6.In a U.S. guide to setting up a new computer-<br>
To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)<br>
7.On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids-<br>
Lie down on bed and insert popscool slowly up to the projected portion like a sword guard into anal duct. While inserting popscool for approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.<br>
8.In some countries on the bottom of Coke bottles-<br>
Open other end.<br>
9.On a packet of Sunmaid raisins-<br>
Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?<br>
10.On a Sears hairdryer-<br>
Do not use while sleeping.<br>
11.On a bag of Fritos-<br>
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)<br>
12. On a bar of Dial soap-<br>
Directions-Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)<br>
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box)-<br>
Do not turn upside down. (Too late. You lose!)<br>
14.On Mark's and Spencer bread pudding-<br>
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)<br>
15.On a Korean kitchen knife -<br>
Warning:Keep out of children. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)<br>
16.On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights-<br>
For indoor or outdoor use only. (As a pose to outer space?)<br>
17.On a Japanese food processor<br>
Not to be used for other use. (Now I'm curious.)<br>
18.On Sainsbuy's peanuts-<br>
Warning contains nuts. (Really-peanuts contain nuts?)<br>
19.On an American Airlines packet of nuts-<br>
instructions-Open packet, eat nuts. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)<br>
20.On a Swedish chainsaw-<br>
Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands or genitals. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)<br>
21.On a child's superman costume-<br>
Wearing of this costume does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)<br>
22.On some frozen dinners-<br>
Serving suggestion:defrost.<br>
23.on a hotel provided shower cap in a box-<br>
Fits one head.<br>
24.On packaging for Rowenta iron-<br>
Do not iron clothes on body.<br>
25.On Boot's CHILDREN"S cough medicine-<br>
Do not drive car or operate machinery.<br>
26.On nightly sleep aid-<br>
Warning: May cause drowsiness. (Duh!) <p></p><i></i>
<br>
1.On a blanket from Taiwan-<br>
Not to be used as protection from a tornado.<br>
2.On a helmet mounted mirror used by U.S. cyclists-<br>
Remember objects in the mirror are actually behind you.<br>
3.On a Taiwanese shampoo-<br>
Use repeatedly for severe damage.<br>
4.On the bottle top of a (UK) flavored milk drink-<br>
After opening keep upright.<br>
5.On a New Zealand insect spray-<br>
This product is not tested on animals.<br>
6.In a U.S. guide to setting up a new computer-<br>
To avoid condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room temperature before opening. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)<br>
7.On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids-<br>
Lie down on bed and insert popscool slowly up to the projected portion like a sword guard into anal duct. While inserting popscool for approximately 5 minutes, keep quiet.<br>
8.In some countries on the bottom of Coke bottles-<br>
Open other end.<br>
9.On a packet of Sunmaid raisins-<br>
Why not try tossing over your favourite breakfast cereal?<br>
10.On a Sears hairdryer-<br>
Do not use while sleeping.<br>
11.On a bag of Fritos-<br>
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)<br>
12. On a bar of Dial soap-<br>
Directions-Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)<br>
13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on the bottom of the box)-<br>
Do not turn upside down. (Too late. You lose!)<br>
14.On Mark's and Spencer bread pudding-<br>
Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)<br>
15.On a Korean kitchen knife -<br>
Warning:Keep out of children. (Dammit! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?)<br>
16.On a string of Chinese made Christmas lights-<br>
For indoor or outdoor use only. (As a pose to outer space?)<br>
17.On a Japanese food processor<br>
Not to be used for other use. (Now I'm curious.)<br>
18.On Sainsbuy's peanuts-<br>
Warning contains nuts. (Really-peanuts contain nuts?)<br>
19.On an American Airlines packet of nuts-<br>
instructions-Open packet, eat nuts. (I'm glad they cleared that up.)<br>
20.On a Swedish chainsaw-<br>
Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands or genitals. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)<br>
21.On a child's superman costume-<br>
Wearing of this costume does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)<br>
22.On some frozen dinners-<br>
Serving suggestion:defrost.<br>
23.on a hotel provided shower cap in a box-<br>
Fits one head.<br>
24.On packaging for Rowenta iron-<br>
Do not iron clothes on body.<br>
25.On Boot's CHILDREN"S cough medicine-<br>
Do not drive car or operate machinery.<br>
26.On nightly sleep aid-<br>
Warning: May cause drowsiness. (Duh!) <p></p><i></i>
