Best. Star Wars. Parody. Ever. (with subtitles in Spanish!)

[tlclark]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou4WegYSliE

sums up everything that was wrong with the episodes I, II & III.

[Titus Martius]

:lol:

That's great! Btw. do you know this parody?

[Robert Vermaat]

Brilliant!

[Comerus Gallus]

That was great! tlclarck!

Here is people making their own SW versions.. I have the software to make movies exactly with SW effects, but dont have those great costumes & background Studios, darnmit!.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8iHWW7ktrkU&NR

[Narukami]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou4WegYSliE

sums up everything that was wrong with the episodes I, II & III.

Boy does it ever.

The story had much more potential when Vader was not Luke's father.

But oh well...

No point in crying over spilt Bantha milk.

:? ? ? roll:

Narukami

[Comerus Gallus]

More family problems

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpQd27VEaAs

[FAVENTIANVS]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFgUP_CGwwo&NR

[FAVENTIANVS]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpuEMSH6 ... ed&search=

[Comerus Gallus]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpuEMSH6z...ted&search=

Uuuuh! that gived me an idea to film one with my wife :lol:

Prety girls

[GALLA PLACIDIA]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou4WegYSliE

sums up everything that was wrong with the episodes I, II & III.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[tlclark]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou4WegYSliE

sums up everything that was wrong with the episodes I, II & III.

Boy does it ever.

The story had much more potential when Vader was not Luke's father.

But oh well...

No point in crying over spilt Bantha milk.

:? ? ? roll:

Narukami

I think the only other thing I can say is that the only moment I felt any emotion for any character in the entire second trilogy, is when Boba Fett picked up the head of his dead father.

I felt horrible for that kid!! It throws his sad pathetic death in the pit of sarnac into tragic perspective!

If fact, that was the whole problem with the second trilogy. The light cast on the whole original trilogy by the second one changed everything and not for the better.

Instead of an epic struggle of good vs evil, we have a political coup. Instead of the spirit quest of a daoist religion we have a bureaucracy of elites enhanced by "midichlorians"
Instead of a Macbeth like figure that embraces evil as his true path, damn the consequences, we have some whiny jock who just didn't want to give up on his side nookie.

It's like the first was written by Homer, and the second was written by Procopius.

By the end of Sith I really began to wonder if the galaxy really wasn't better off under the empire. Darth was certainly improved. And so were the Jedi.

The only thing that could top it all off would be a third trilogy that shows a weak ineffectual corrupt and listless new republic under the rule of the feckless remnants of the rebellion, perhaps even a few elements from the McCarthy witch hunts or Robespierre's Reign of Terror. That would make the whole mess tragically perfect.

ugh.

[Narukami]

"The only thing that could top it all off would be a third trilogy that shows a weak ineffectual corrupt and listless new republic under the rule of the feckless remnants of the rebellion, perhaps even a few elements from the McCarthy witch hunts or Robespierre's Reign of Terror. That would make the whole mess tragically perfect." TLC


I have a copy of the interview Lucas gave to Rolling Stone magazine in the summer of 1977 in which he talks about doing nine films, covering the pre and post Empire. He also talks about how Darth kills Anakin and is then wounded by Obi Wan in a fight on a volcano. Of course, all of that seems to have been forgotten.

However...

Would it not have been a more sublime test of Luke's Jedi resolve for him to spare not his father, but his father's killer?

Having spent years training for this one moment, forgoing the love of Princess Leia in order to remain focused on his one goal: to avenge not only his father, but his aunt & uncle, the Jedi Order and the countless others destroyed by Darth Vader and yet, in that final moment, to spare Vader's life.

Would that be a sign of weakness and failure, of a life wasted, or the ultimate expression of supreme zen (Jedi) selflessness?

Ah well, lost opportunities.

On the other hand...

The toys are still great. The action figures are better than ever. :wink:

Narukami

[tlclark]

You may be right. ANYTHING would have been better than what we got though.

I think the father/son storyline was salvagable. As it ends in Jedi, it seems that Darth has a glimmer of what he gave up for power, his humanity.

However, that moment is ruined by Sith. Darth turns out not to be a person who chose power over humanity, but a chump duped into becoming Palpatine's toady?!

Darth could have been many things, but a chump? That's just wrong.

It turns the whole thesis of the first trilogy on its head. The whole point of the first trilogy was to recover Anakin's lost humanity. That power is not the end all. That love and friendship really are more powerful. The second trilogy shows that George is at best, a second rate philosopher and sophmoric carpetbagger to the Asian mythologies and philosophies he plundered to make to his films.

In the first, Darth is saved by his human attachment to his son. In Sith, Darth is pushed over the edge ...by his attachment to....Padme?

Is this muddled or what? What dreck.

I suspect something happened to George along the way. I can't imagine that he stumbled upon Yoda's dialogue in Empire by accident. That was great stuff. Right in the daoist warrior tradition. He must have grown lazy and cynical in the intervening years.

The most unforgivable sin however is the invention of the midichlorians. That turned the force from a mystic belief into a biological trait. Why would anyone say "May the force be with you"? if not everyone could have it and they knew the reasons for the force. It's nonsensical. It's practically superstitious. It's like us building a religion around skin color. It makes the Jedi not mystics, but elite supremacists. If I lived in a world with people with midichlorians, I'd be damned scared of them, and rightfully so.

Anyway, as you see, I have strong feelings on the matter. I suspect that if it were possible, Joseph Campbell, who defended George Lucas against charges of juvenile escapism would rise up out of his grave and say "Nevermind".

[Matthew Amt]

Travis, I love you! Brilliant analysis. I've tried to tell a few younger folks that they have NO IDEA what kind of effect that first movie had on our generation. It really became a part of our culture that is now simply taken for granted. These new flicks simply can't touch it.

Here, these might cheer you up, probably inspirational for one or more of those Youtube ditties. First is some key dialog apparently cut from Empire Strikes Back:

INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry.

A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft.

Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.

Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up!

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon...

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!

Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.

Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... You're not good enough to be my kid.

Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.

Darth Vader looks after him.

Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

-----------------

Next,

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT

By Rod Hilton

FADE IN:

INT. SPACESHIP

LIAM NEESON
It is vitally important we enter trade negotiations with the federation.

EWAN MCGREGOR
I agree. This one planet and how it trades with other planets is certainly an important enough topic to be the entire plot of a Star Wars film.

INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK

EVIL ALIEN
Werr. What wirr we do now? My evil, obviousry Asian race must prevair. I wirr not face de Jedi. Send de droid.

INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI

A droid enters.

LIAM NEESON
I sense a disturbance in the force.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Well, sh*t.

Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin attacking the Jedi. The Jedi use the high concentration of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force to destroy the CGI. They run outside.

EXT. NABOO

They run until they smack into some more CGI.

JAR JAR
Who might you be?

LIAM NEESON
(staring in the general direction of Jar Jar, but not really staring at him) I am a Jedi. There are bad things coming. Take me to your homeland.

JAR JAR
I see. That is quite interesting. I will guide you to the land from which I have come.

Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't selling well enough.

JAR JAR
Oh! Meesa sorry! Meesa ment to saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica mon, okeyday?

EWAN MCGREGOR
(staring at something right above Jar Jar) Good. Do you have a hotel room for me and Liam? We have..uh..Jedi business to attend to.

JAR JAR
Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon.

AUDIENCE
Die. Die, Jar Jar. Nobody likes you.

INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK

The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears to be better in technology than the kinds of things in the original trilogy.

NATALIE PORTMAN
I am the queen. You've gone too far this time. I will tell the senate and you will be in a lot of trouble.

EVIL ALIEN
I'm so sorry, Amidala.

NATALIE PORTMAN
No, no, I'm Padme now.

EVIL ALIEN
I thought when in the makeup, you were the queen.

NATALIE PORTMAN
No, I'm whoever is playing the queen at the time. The voice changes don't help you figure this out.

EVIL ALIEN
Stop trying to confoose me! Droids, capture the queen.. or Padme.. er.. just capture everyone!

LIAM and EWAN and, f***, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN and other members of her staff onto a ship and they escape. They go to Tatooine.

INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE

JAKE LLOYD
Hi there! Golly I'm cute.

NATALIE PORTMAN
You certainly are, little boy.

JAKE LLOYD
I'm the only one disturbed by the fact that I'm gonna bone you in episode two?

LIAM NEESON
Jake, I need you to have a pod race so I can get the parts I need and free you.

JAKE'S MOM
No, I won't allow him to pod race. He'll get hurt. (pause) Ok, I will. Nevermind. Good luck.

They pod race. It looks really COOL.

GEORGE LUCAS
(attempting subtlety) Oh! Look! There's a video game of this scene... uh.. buy it!

Hey, I had to sacrifice a part of my grand vision for these movies to include a part that could be turned into a game, so buy it or I'll do it even more in episode 2.

JAKE wins! He has to leave his mother, which will become very important in the next movie. He also has to leave his protocol droid, THREEPIO.

AUDIENCE
He built C-3PO? Why wasn't this ever mentioned in the original trilogy?

GEORGE LUCAS
Because I just made it up. Speaking of stuff I'm just making up, how do you like the midichlorian bullshit I pulled out of my ass?

They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant.

INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL

LIAM NEESON
I want to train this boy.

YODA
Nope. Sorry. Too old the boy is. Clouded his future seems. Vague my worries are.

LIAM NEESON
Well, he is the chosen one. He will bring balance to the force. I'm training him.

SAMUEL L. JACKSON
Yoda told you no, muthaf***a. What the f*** is wrong with yo, bitchass? I'll f***in' kill you! I'm gonna be a f***in bad ass in the next two fuckin movies, you know. My toy has a f***in lightsaber.

LIAM NEESON
I'm going to go over your head and train him myself, then. So there.

He exits.

INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING

IAN MCDIARMID
Damn I'm evil.

Suddenly, we see E.T! This does not make the film HYPER-CUTESEY like Return of the Jedi, but CLEVER.

EXT. NABOO

NATALIE PORTMAN
I am either the queen or Padme now. Regardless, your cheesy-looking race of annoying, unrealistic characters need to ally with our badly acting race of creatures so we can capture this one guy.

BOSS NASS
One guy? The climax of this film revolves entirely around us capturing one, pretty insignificant guy? Doesn't that make this whole thing kinda pointless?

NATALIE PORTMAN
No more pointless than the fact that this entire film revolves around taxes on trade and the cutting off of one, pathetic little planet half-filled with annoying creatures.

They go after the bad guy or whatever. Who cares?

Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight sequence. Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black face paint, and has horns. He is EVIL.

Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one insignificant guy and we really don't care.

Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die.

Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives. We care a little bit.

INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS

MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography and is thousands of times better than any other lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.

AUDIENCE
Whoa! This is really cool!

Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid battles going on at the time. Eventually, we return to the good one.

DARTH MAUL
(menacing as hell) Grrr.

Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising, especially to those of us who bought the film score which has a song whose title gives away the ending. He then kicks EWAN into a shaft. EWAN grabs onto something on the side and holds on for dear life.

EWAN MCGREGOR
Well, you certainly are an experienced fighter and there is little question you could kick pretty much anyone's ass.

DARTH MAUL
Muahahahaha.

Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber, jump up out of the shaft, over MAUL, press the button on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while MAUL stands there like an idiot and does nothing at all. He dies.

EXT. SPACE

JAKE LLOYD
Whoaaaaa! I'm in space! Now this is pod racing! Yipee! Uh oh! Man, I'm so cute.

JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the ship is kept. He accidentally blows it to SH*T.

JAKE LLOYD
Uh oh! I better leave! Let's leave Artoo!

They exit quickly. The ship explodes, which stops all the droids and just makes everything great, because it's always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with a slapstick accident.

EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO

The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive. A huge party ensues.

AUDIENCE
Wow! Watching this party and all this celebration has convinced me that the tiny, pathetic problem that has been taken care of is actually really significant! Hooray!

Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bullsh*t, what actually happened was the future-emperor has actually manipulated everything, come into great power, and that one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but thousands more have been created.

GEORGE LUCAS
Three years, suckers. I'd make them come out sooner, but I work very hard on my films, as I am an independent filmmaker due to my disgust with Hollywood's commercialism. Now go buy some Star Wars toys!

END
-------------------

I always read these when I need a laugh!

Matthew

[tlclark]

LOL!

Actually. If that had been the script, it would have been better.

I would have paid beaucoup bucks to hear a jedi say "m****f****r"
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: