05-23-2005, 10:46 PM
If we want to be completely authentic, let's do a little thought experiment. OK.
An actual Roman legionary from the mid 1st century Leg XIIII is magically transported to a modern Roman reenactor event. What differences will be the most striking to him?
Different armor or helmets?
---------------------------------
Probably not. Armor changes over time and from location to location even in Roman times.
Different shield emblems?
-------------------------------
Probably not. Different legions had different emblems and a common legionary would not be trained in recognizing all of them.
Teeth?
--------
Visit anyplace where modern dental care is in short supply and you will rarely see the full sets of beautiful straight pearly whites that most Americans sport. Would probably seem downright spooky.
SOLUTION:
Knock some of your teeth out. Extra credit for only leaving one in front.
Smell?
--------
Yep, that's one. We bath too much. Yes, the Romans had the baths, but your common legionary probably didn't get to bath every day and it was probably often a long time between. And we use deodorant. Also bathrooms are much too hygienic.
SOLUTION:
Stop bathing, using deodorant, and everyone must s__t in a trench. Also oil scraping and sharing sponges mandatory.
Language?
------------
Sure. Hardly anyone speaks Latin anymore. And absolutely no one uses the right accent. (Since we don't know it.)
SOLUTION:
If you don’t speak Latin, you don’t get to speak. If you didn’t learn Latin as your mother tongue, you should speak as little as possible. Use a tablet and write things out in Latin.
Tunics red or white?
-----------------------------
I doubt it. But no one wearing anything old, used, patched, torn, or blood stained. Now that’s just weird.
SOLUTION:
Rip your stuff up. Patch it with rags. Sprinkle it with goat blood then piss on it to try bleaching it out. That will mimic the not quiet clean look our imaginary legionary is used to.
Physique?
--------------
Americans are generally too tall and many of us (me I admit) are too fat.
SOLUTION:
Lose some pounds and a few vertebrae. Also lift a couple of weights once in a while.
No scars?
-------------
Where are all the scars and battle wounds?
SOLUTION:
Everyone is encouraged to have some scars added via plastic surgery. Extra brownie points if you have a buddy do it with an old rusty knife and let the wounds fester a little. No one is allowed to serve as a Centurion unless they have some nice public scars to show. The senior centurion is the one missing the most appendages.
Hobnails?
-------------
Sorry, this is a pet peeve of mine. The things we use for Hobnails are better suited for tap dancing than maintaining traction while stomping over a pile of dead and wounded barbarians.
SOLUTION:
Get a blacksmith to make some real BIG hobnails. EXPENSIVE. But hey if we have to redo everything else, shields, armor, etc. Why not. Damn the expense - XIIII mid 1st here we come.
Cruelty?
-----------
Where is the casual cruelty? The dog being kicked? (For that matter where are the dogs and rats that doubtless followed the Legions?) The centurion beating a legionary senseless for some minor infraction? Etc.
SOLUTION:
Well, I don’t see what to do about this that isn’t illegal and doesn’t invite arrest.
Prostitutes?
----------------
Well? Do you know any women that would enjoy being mid 1st century prostitutes?
SOLUTION:
See solution to cruelty above.
Slaves?
----------
See prostitutes above. Same problems apply.
I’m out.
Anyone else?
An actual Roman legionary from the mid 1st century Leg XIIII is magically transported to a modern Roman reenactor event. What differences will be the most striking to him?
Different armor or helmets?
---------------------------------
Probably not. Armor changes over time and from location to location even in Roman times.
Different shield emblems?
-------------------------------
Probably not. Different legions had different emblems and a common legionary would not be trained in recognizing all of them.
Teeth?
--------
Visit anyplace where modern dental care is in short supply and you will rarely see the full sets of beautiful straight pearly whites that most Americans sport. Would probably seem downright spooky.
SOLUTION:
Knock some of your teeth out. Extra credit for only leaving one in front.
Smell?
--------
Yep, that's one. We bath too much. Yes, the Romans had the baths, but your common legionary probably didn't get to bath every day and it was probably often a long time between. And we use deodorant. Also bathrooms are much too hygienic.
SOLUTION:
Stop bathing, using deodorant, and everyone must s__t in a trench. Also oil scraping and sharing sponges mandatory.
Language?
------------
Sure. Hardly anyone speaks Latin anymore. And absolutely no one uses the right accent. (Since we don't know it.)
SOLUTION:
If you don’t speak Latin, you don’t get to speak. If you didn’t learn Latin as your mother tongue, you should speak as little as possible. Use a tablet and write things out in Latin.
Tunics red or white?
-----------------------------
I doubt it. But no one wearing anything old, used, patched, torn, or blood stained. Now that’s just weird.
SOLUTION:
Rip your stuff up. Patch it with rags. Sprinkle it with goat blood then piss on it to try bleaching it out. That will mimic the not quiet clean look our imaginary legionary is used to.
Physique?
--------------
Americans are generally too tall and many of us (me I admit) are too fat.
SOLUTION:
Lose some pounds and a few vertebrae. Also lift a couple of weights once in a while.
No scars?
-------------
Where are all the scars and battle wounds?
SOLUTION:
Everyone is encouraged to have some scars added via plastic surgery. Extra brownie points if you have a buddy do it with an old rusty knife and let the wounds fester a little. No one is allowed to serve as a Centurion unless they have some nice public scars to show. The senior centurion is the one missing the most appendages.
Hobnails?
-------------
Sorry, this is a pet peeve of mine. The things we use for Hobnails are better suited for tap dancing than maintaining traction while stomping over a pile of dead and wounded barbarians.
SOLUTION:
Get a blacksmith to make some real BIG hobnails. EXPENSIVE. But hey if we have to redo everything else, shields, armor, etc. Why not. Damn the expense - XIIII mid 1st here we come.
Cruelty?
-----------
Where is the casual cruelty? The dog being kicked? (For that matter where are the dogs and rats that doubtless followed the Legions?) The centurion beating a legionary senseless for some minor infraction? Etc.
SOLUTION:
Well, I don’t see what to do about this that isn’t illegal and doesn’t invite arrest.
Prostitutes?
----------------
Well? Do you know any women that would enjoy being mid 1st century prostitutes?
SOLUTION:
See solution to cruelty above.
Slaves?
----------
See prostitutes above. Same problems apply.
I’m out.
Anyone else?
>|P. Dominus Antonius|<
Leg XX VV
Tony Dah m
Oderint dum metuant - Cicero
Si vis pacem, para bellum - Vegetius
Leg XX VV
Tony Dah m
Oderint dum metuant - Cicero
Si vis pacem, para bellum - Vegetius
