07-04-2003, 08:16 PM
Ok, here's an old piece of (US) election 2000 humor that I thought all still might find, well, humorous.<br>
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BIPARTISANSHIP, CIRCA 410 A.D.<br>
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Finally, the divisive battle that has gripped our nation for months has come to an end. There can no longer be any doubt of the ultimate result: Alaric and his Visigoth horde have won, and the emperor, Flavius Honorius, has lost.<br>
<br>
Whether or not we supported Alaric in his campaign to sack Rome, it is now our patriotic duty to rally behind him. Alaric is now the ruler of ALL Romans, not just those who smear their faces with blood and smell strongly of dung. We must all show the graciousness, good humor, and dignity that Honorius demonstrated as he fled on horseback with his servants in the dark of night.<br>
<br>
If one thing has been proved by this battle, it is that our system works. The Visigoths worked hard for this outcome: They pillaged our temples, burned our crops,and carried off our women. As a result, they now deserve our support, as well as our respect. Yes, some may continue to question aspects of Alaric's campaign. We have previously noted our concern about the Visigoths' strategy of stripping naked and running into battle making high-pitched screaming sounds, as well as their controversial decision to slay our elders and eat their entrails in the Forum. The Visigoths' scorched-earth strategy--and again, we would have preferred for them to have scorched only SOME of our earth--struck many of us as overly aggressive. But, in the end, Alaric and his barbarian horde were simply using every method available to them in a flawed and often confusing process. No battle is perfect, and inevitably some children are going to be impaled on stakes and their lifeless bodies paraded through the streets. Those tactics don't make the result of this contest any less legitimate.<br>
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Now that Honorius has conceded, it is time for Rome to look to the future, not to the past. We should no longer define ourselves as either Romans or barbarians. Now, we are all barbarians.<br>
<br>
For his part, Alaric must be prepared to govern from the vital center. To begin, he needs to introduce himself more fully to the public, to allow us to see how he will lead when he is no longer wearing animal skins, shouting gibberish, and swinging a flaming club full of metal spikes. Though the battle was a close one, we must now be prepared to give Alaric our trust and our prayers as he begins to implement his stated platform: the complete destruction of our way of life and the violent transformation of our society into a primitive tribe of nomadic hunter-gatherers.<br>
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Let the healing begin.<br>
<p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=frankmiranda>Frank Miranda</A> at: 7/4/03 10:17 pm<br></i>
<br>
<br>
<br>
BIPARTISANSHIP, CIRCA 410 A.D.<br>
<br>
Finally, the divisive battle that has gripped our nation for months has come to an end. There can no longer be any doubt of the ultimate result: Alaric and his Visigoth horde have won, and the emperor, Flavius Honorius, has lost.<br>
<br>
Whether or not we supported Alaric in his campaign to sack Rome, it is now our patriotic duty to rally behind him. Alaric is now the ruler of ALL Romans, not just those who smear their faces with blood and smell strongly of dung. We must all show the graciousness, good humor, and dignity that Honorius demonstrated as he fled on horseback with his servants in the dark of night.<br>
<br>
If one thing has been proved by this battle, it is that our system works. The Visigoths worked hard for this outcome: They pillaged our temples, burned our crops,and carried off our women. As a result, they now deserve our support, as well as our respect. Yes, some may continue to question aspects of Alaric's campaign. We have previously noted our concern about the Visigoths' strategy of stripping naked and running into battle making high-pitched screaming sounds, as well as their controversial decision to slay our elders and eat their entrails in the Forum. The Visigoths' scorched-earth strategy--and again, we would have preferred for them to have scorched only SOME of our earth--struck many of us as overly aggressive. But, in the end, Alaric and his barbarian horde were simply using every method available to them in a flawed and often confusing process. No battle is perfect, and inevitably some children are going to be impaled on stakes and their lifeless bodies paraded through the streets. Those tactics don't make the result of this contest any less legitimate.<br>
<br>
Now that Honorius has conceded, it is time for Rome to look to the future, not to the past. We should no longer define ourselves as either Romans or barbarians. Now, we are all barbarians.<br>
<br>
For his part, Alaric must be prepared to govern from the vital center. To begin, he needs to introduce himself more fully to the public, to allow us to see how he will lead when he is no longer wearing animal skins, shouting gibberish, and swinging a flaming club full of metal spikes. Though the battle was a close one, we must now be prepared to give Alaric our trust and our prayers as he begins to implement his stated platform: the complete destruction of our way of life and the violent transformation of our society into a primitive tribe of nomadic hunter-gatherers.<br>
<br>
Let the healing begin.<br>
<p></p><i>Edited by: <A HREF=http://pub45.ezboard.com/bromanarmytalk.showUserPublicProfile?gid=frankmiranda>Frank Miranda</A> at: 7/4/03 10:17 pm<br></i>
