10-17-2013, 04:20 PM
Evan,
Just a few more points arising out of your latest draft:
Page 1
Note 1: Publication details of Hughes’ and Thompson’s books need transferring from Note 3 and Note 23 respectively. Publication details for Bury required.
Page 4
“these men were Aetius’ personal bucellarius – I’m not sure if you were intending to adopt my suggestion that they be described as “members of Aetius’ personal bucellarius”.
Page 6
“a low strengthIf it is” – no comment necessary.
Page 7
“client nations; listed by Sidonius” – a comma, rather than a semi-colon, is required, I think.
Page 8
“Other sources also refer to them” – in view of the alterations made to the text, “it” is better than “them”, I think.
“one problem; the Catalaunian plains – a colon, rather than a semi-colon, is required, I think.
Page 9
“for a few reasons” – I let this pass last time but I do think that “a number of reasons” is better.
Page 12
“the bent shape of a crowbar . . . resemble that of a crowbar” – one of these is unnecessary.
“the fact that the both the” – delete the second “the”.
Page 14
“wasted opportunity, and Hughes” – would “but Hughes” be better?
Page 15
“Aetius was almost forgotten entirely” – I think that “Aetius was almost entirely forgotten” is better.
The fact that I keep noticing things that I had previously missed illustrates the importance of reading and re-reading the text, preferably with a few days in between. That way, one approaches it with fresh eyes and is less likely to see what one expects to see, rather than what is actually there.
Just a few more points arising out of your latest draft:
Page 1
Note 1: Publication details of Hughes’ and Thompson’s books need transferring from Note 3 and Note 23 respectively. Publication details for Bury required.
Page 4
“these men were Aetius’ personal bucellarius – I’m not sure if you were intending to adopt my suggestion that they be described as “members of Aetius’ personal bucellarius”.
Page 6
“a low strengthIf it is” – no comment necessary.
Page 7
“client nations; listed by Sidonius” – a comma, rather than a semi-colon, is required, I think.
Page 8
“Other sources also refer to them” – in view of the alterations made to the text, “it” is better than “them”, I think.
“one problem; the Catalaunian plains – a colon, rather than a semi-colon, is required, I think.
Page 9
“for a few reasons” – I let this pass last time but I do think that “a number of reasons” is better.
Page 12
“the bent shape of a crowbar . . . resemble that of a crowbar” – one of these is unnecessary.
“the fact that the both the” – delete the second “the”.
Page 14
“wasted opportunity, and Hughes” – would “but Hughes” be better?
Page 15
“Aetius was almost forgotten entirely” – I think that “Aetius was almost entirely forgotten” is better.
The fact that I keep noticing things that I had previously missed illustrates the importance of reading and re-reading the text, preferably with a few days in between. That way, one approaches it with fresh eyes and is less likely to see what one expects to see, rather than what is actually there.
Michael King Macdona
And do as adversaries do in law, -
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
(The Taming of the Shrew: Act 1, Scene 2)
And do as adversaries do in law, -
Strive mightily, but eat and drink as friends.
(The Taming of the Shrew: Act 1, Scene 2)
